Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear...


Back from my adventure into the bowels of a hospital. Let me tell you, it was rather exciting. To begin with, they told us that they didn't want us contaminating their O.R. (that's short for Operating Room, in case you're stupid). We each got a big white extra large thing. Uniforms, I guess you could call them. I deemed them hospital-style onesies. Pants and shirt were masterfully combined in a clothing item that would make you effortlessly fashionable looking. Or, rather, moronic. It was really okay though, we had to avoid getting our icky germs we picked up from school in the O.R. We really don't want someone dying or anything just so we could see the robot dealio. As if our onesies weren't enough, we were also given shoe covers. Unfortunately for me, I have rather large feet. I'm short, but I have big feet. It's really quite fun sometimes. Like when you are trying to put a shoe cover on that doesn't want to fit. I alone couldn't do it, so I appealed to Imma Lemmon for help. We, or rather she, got the first one on with limited difficulty. Cover numero dos did not wish to cooperate though. Very stubborn things, shoe covers. Our teacher came to help. Thus, we had a three person team to help one person put a shoe cover on. Slightly embarassing. But hey, give me a break, I take steroids for my feet. Really. I do.

Once we were all fashioned up we were allowed to enter the operating room. The inside was kind of like how I imagined, and yet kind of not. It was shiny and clean looking, as well as nicely chilled. Oddly enough, there was no blood splattered everywhere, no random body parts hanging like grotesque jewelry around piping, and no viewing windows. I managed to keep my cool despite these surprising discoveries. We all filed in and were greeted by a short surgical tech (I think that was the term anyway). She showed us the robot, the da Vinci S. The call it "she" or "her" for a few reasons. One of which is that it has an S in the name. Another is that they had a different da Vinci, and "he" was fat (as in 1200 pounds or so) and could be difficult to work with. Basically the typical man. She, on the other hand, was light (i.e. only half a ton) and had an HD probe complete with dual cameras in it, for a full 3D effect. Very nice. I must admit, she was quite beautiful. For a machine anyway. She was nice and shiny. Unfortunately for any excited men out there, she had four arms, no brain, and a bunch of very sharp, very dangerous attachments. Good luck with that.

After being shown some neat things that she could do, our time was tragically up and it was time to go. I gave her a big hug, for which I was sliced open in the gut, and left. This is of course not true. The real story is I walked out without a backward glance. So there. P.S. this was a very nice post wasn't it? Yes. It was. If you argue with me I will sic da Vinci S on you. We're dating.
P.P.S. The above picture looked like something they might do, its got the funny little arm extension that "she" had and and it looks like a picture the probe might have taken. The end.

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