Ugly Stinkin Furniture

Dear. Lord.

I think my eyes are crying blood.

Why did people invent furniture? I mean, I realize we are lazy and couldn't possibly stand or sit on the ground, but really. Why was it designed the way it was? And when did it start getting ugly? Take a look.

I think that it is quite obvious when furniture began to get ugly, its when it went from solid to veneer. Yes, my friends, that was the downfall of furniture. Looks like the British Kings and Queens always had ugly chairs. Sucks!

Seating used to be attractive, what is more sexy than a solid wood chair that weighs 600 pounds? Nothing! I'm glad you agree.

My basement is home to three very ugly items. One is a mustard yellow chair. We named it Colonel Mustard. Yeah that's right. Well it used to be mustardy, it is kind of losing some of its color and getting dirty, but one can still tell just how ugly it looked at birth. The second is a toffee colored chair. It is "fur" covered or something like that with .25 cm hairs that do little but make things stick to it. Like weird little sticky things that nobody knows what they are. Quite the turn on let me tell you. The third piece is a couch that is large and also a medium brown color. The unfortunate thing is the stripes running vertically along its length. They are different shades of brown, and each color has its own length of hair fibers, so that the overall effect of the couch is an ugly brown rug that got attacked by a lion.

I think that in recent history there must have been an Ugly Furniture Co-Op that decided that for the next 6 years all furniture manufactured should be hideous. I think it is safe to say they succeeded, looking at the picture of the couch above, and when one imagines my furniture. Blurg.