What, me? Why?

Please ignore the flashy sparkly rainbow. It is not a sign of anyone coming out of the proverbial closet. The picture fit my post. Get over it.

I've been asked by one of my avid readers to write a post about blogging itself. Okay that is fudging the truth, I doubt they are an avid reader. Unfortunately, they have the power to tell me what to do and I, humble as I am, must obey. If you don't care, move on. Consider this your warning, I'm protecting you from the boredom that may ensue if you read this. Also, I'm not sure which angle I'm supposed to take, whether it is a "Why I Blog" sort of thing or a "What is the purpose of a blog" type deal. I'm going to mix them up. So there.

Blogging is indeed an interesting concept. I'm not fully sure why anyone thought of it. I suppose it does save paper, but since when do important people that make important decisions really care about that. Plus it uses electricity, whereas writing on paper does not. This, though, is neither here nor there, and is not important.

I guess blogging was a revolutionary idea. People could spend some time writing whatever they want and publish it before anybody could criticize them on their use of words or lack of commas. In effect, it was instantaneous writing. Quite unheard of. Anybody could publish whatever they wanted, true or not, important or not-so-important, interesting or kill-me-please boring. It didn't matter, and it didn't matter who wrote it. Anyone could be heard, or rather read, and anyone could speak up. A very interesting idea...

But why do I blog? That is a more complicated question than one might think. I started off hating blogs and everything they stood for. They seemed like such a waste of time. But I did my best. Take a look at the first post, and try not to laugh. I was so proud of that painfully long post. Surely, I could handle this. Turns out the average post was supposed to be about 400 words, with a total of 1200 or so a week. Both of my first posts (which I had great affection for, bless them) added up to 400. This was going to be a problem.

Then one day I decided to write exclusively about songs I heard and liked. I would embed the youtube video, write some lyrics, and interpret the song. That turned out to be a disaster. Why on earth did I have to blog? I deplored my situation.

Then I decided I would just write about whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to. This turned out to be a much better idea. I came to the conclusion that blogging for a newspaper or something would be really quite hard. To think of something to write about every day, that actually had a purpose, would be difficult. I can manage my blog only because I write about the most random things possible, and I spend most of my time muttering to myself. Muttering takes up a lot of words, you know. I suppose the only reason I actually have people that read my blog is because it is a little bit entertaining or something. I'm kind of losing my train of thought, but I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say. So that about sums up blogging in Cabrito's world anyway.

Hey wasn't that post amazingly fun? It is like adding imagery to your writing, without having to actually write it! Perfect! Unless people start complaining I'm going to do that from now on. It will be fun, and you will love it.

Oh and that last one, the Cabrito one, was me.

P.S. The reason my picture is important is because writers think everything they write is perfect and blah blah blah that's why people should read it. So, as a writer, I feel the same way. Duh.

I Hate Homework

Don't we all? I think we do. Except for of course Roxanne Betta. Because she is crazy insane and loves it deep down. Everyone else though is tortured by homework. Haunted, even. It was while distracting myself from the doldrums of homework that I came across a wonderful picture. This picture is quite hard to read, and so I will describe it to you and then give you the words. Okay? We appreciate your cooperation. We really do. You are great, you are awesome.


It is a sheet of notebook paper. Or rather, a picture of one. It has had some stuff typed on it. It looks like it should be a t-shirt. In fact, it probably is. If it isn't I know some of the points on it are because I have seen shirts like it before. Okay here goes.

I Didn't Do My Homework Because:

• I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.


• I didn't want the other kids to look bad.


• A sudden gust of wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.


• Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to save them. Unfortunately, my homework drowned.


• Our furnace broke and we had to burn it to keep ourselves from freezing to death.


• I'm not at liberty to say why.


• I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.


• It was involved in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don't want to know the details.


• I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.


• My mom used it as a dryer sheet.


• My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finished.


• I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.


• I felt it wasn't challenging enough.


• My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night. Don't worry, they were sutiably punished.


• I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.


• I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload


• I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard working teachers.

How funny are these? The correct answer here is really funny. Really, really funny would get you some extra credit. I'm considering using these on my history teacher sometime. I think he would enjoy them. Unless of course he doesn't find them funny, and consequently fails me. That would be a shame.

Kbye!

Oh and P.S. I actually didn't even include all of them. There are actually a few more, but they were stupid and/or lame. So I decided that you would be better off without reading them. I'm trying to improve the world intelligence level. Work with me.

El Cabrito

I have just discovered something very sad. I am not the first person to make up the name El Cabrito. This is tragic. I have lost my uniqueness. Whatever happened to every person being special? It was all a lie!



Maybe not. But I googled el cabrito, and I, being the most important mini goat in the world, was the first one to show up, followed by another post using the name El Cabrito. I was initially shocked, this emotion was quickly followed by outrage. I was incensed, to say the least. Or I felt violated. Pick your favorite emotion.


Turns out there is a place called El Cabrito Taqueria, which is a taco selling place. Not only do they sell tacos, but any number of tacoey things. Who do these people think they are? Important? Because they are not. They sell tacos. I write world famous blog posts. I think famous authors trump community loved taco makers. Diss! No that is really just a joke. I like tacos.

I will of course have to look more into this business, to make sure that they are not misrepresenting the goat. That would be quite the shameful ordeal to say the least. You may take a look here, but be warned. The first time I took a peek I couldn't help but notice a certain advertisement in the margin. Something about some 'sex survey.' I, being the honest citizen that I am, did not waste my time with such things. In other words, the survey was already closed. I will be honest with you, I was a bit curious as to what the heck type of questions this survey would be asking. Just in case you would like to know the results of the survey, they come out two days from now, 2/12/09. Try not to get too excited please.

I appear to have rambled off my topic and am now looking around at the swamp I got stuck in. Whatever. I probably won't ever get back on to my paved topic.

Until next time.

P.S. For you excited readers who can't wait to attempt to take the sex survey, despite my warning that it is no longer open for input, the ad has been removed. Hate to burst your bubble and all.

Danielle Part 3

To add insult to injury, she went to talk to the managers. One would expect her to say something to the effect of "Oh I overflowed the sink and I'm really sorry, don't blame it on my coworkers." Is this what she said? Of course not. She said something more like "The High Schoolers have been dicking around." What kind of phrase is that anyway? The nerve! She could have kept quiet and none of the managers ever would have known anything, but instead she blames it on me! Me, who had made 56 salads, 4 pans of Taco Haystack dip, 18 vegetable pizza bagels, and 15 fruit and cheese trays. My list went on and on, while hers barely even existed. Can you imagine what my co workers and I felt? Pissed off would be a good term. Furious would be another. Not only did we work our asses off all day, we got blamed for somebody else's mess and had a new list of work to boot!

So, my friends, the lesson of the day is that people can not be trusted. Have you read that little note on the side? About small children? Well that should be changed to everyone, but I can't remember how to edit it, so it will continue to say small children.

I wanted to put a post of a lesbian up here, but after Google searching the word lesbian, I thought better of it. The pictures would have burned your eyes and made them bleed. So I guess the moral of the story is, don't trust any lesbians named Danielle. I think there should be a deeper moral but I'm too tired to think of one.

P.S. Sorry if this seemed whiny, but I thought everyone should be on guard for lesbians named Danielle. They are evil.

P.P.S. Sorry that this post was so long, it just happened to turn out that way. I did some word counting and it adds up to about 1140 words. Quite the lengthy little beasty!

P.P.P.S If the post doesn't seem very long anymore I probably broke it up into several smaller ones for neatness' sake. K thanks. Bye.

Allergen Notes: Sarcasm is included.

Disclaimer: Names may have been changed to protect the identity of those discussed in these and other blog posts.

Danielle, part 2

To further complicate Danielle and her problems, she has a major crush on Joy. I wouldn't be surprised if she broke up with her girlfriend today and proposed to Joy. Joy is 38 or so, Danielle is 21. To most people this would be a large obstacle, but Danielle is used to such relationships. Her girlfriend is 31, and 38 isn't that big of a step up is it? Only 7 years. May I barf please?

These reasons alone would not be enough to explain why I dislike Danielle. Danielle has overstepped her boundaries, and will pay for her transgressions soon enough. Hopefully.

Last time I worked with her, last Sunday to be exact, was when she really over taxed herself with the cantaloupe and Taco dip. I didn't say anything because I am used to it. I just try to ignore her. Anyway, at one point Danielle turned on both sinks and went to text in the cupboard before leaving the room. I am used to her wandering out randomly, so I thought nothing of it. Neither did Gabby or Kayla, two of the other people I was working with. We left the room as well to do some actual work, consisting of checking up on the salad bar and whatnot. Jared, a produce guy, came out to tell us that Danielle had walked in the room, and discovered something absolutely flabbergasting. Her running water had overflowed! How tragic!

Danielle of course did the only wise thing, and said "F***ing High Schoolers!" This statement would come to my mind had I made a mess too, anything to blame it on somebody else. She proceded to have a minor mental breakdown and go into psycho mode. After cleaning up her mess she went out and made a massive list of things to make that, in all honesty, did not need to be made at all. It included, but was not limited to, 28 more salads, 2 fruit pizzas, 6 fruit pizza slices, and over 10 fruit and vegetable trays. This list of course took her a half hour to compile. With list in hand, she charged back into the prep room to show us high schoolers who was boss. As if we had overflowed the sink in the first place. The sad part is, Danielle does not even have the right to tell anyone what to do. She came crawling back to Hy-Vee after quitting a few years past. She plans on becoming a Hy-Vee lifer. She's really, really cool.

TO BE CONTINUED

You, My Friend, Are a Potato

Yes, you are. You are an amazing potato, and of you I am proud. Yeah. Potatoes are good, and you are a good potatoe. This means that you are double good. Really amazing in fact.

Why am I talking about potatoes, you ask? Because someone told me to. Because I couldn't think of anything else to write about. So potatoes it is.

Potatoes are really good, as well as a versatile food. You can make them into all sorts of things like matchstick fries, curly fries, normal french fries, thick cut fries, tater tots, steak fries, potato patties, latkes, mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, hash browns. I mean really, what kind of food has that many applications? Not many.

Last night I had Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes. Have you ever heard of Salisbury steak? Probably not. It is like Mum's Chopped Steak from the Outback but I doubt you've had that either. Well I guess I'll just have to describe it for you, shall I? You take some ground beef and mix in spices like thyme and other spicey spices. Once it is all good and mixed in you make it into patties and chuck them in a skillet with some chopped onions. You're supposed to put in mushrooms as well but we didn't have any. So we didn't put any in. So there. Once they are all cooked up and yummy you pour in a jar of beef gravy and kapow. You have an excellent dinner almost ready. The final step is putting on of the steaks on some mashed potatoes and pouring gravy on top. It is really really good. And I love it, just as I love people who read my blog. So there you have it, the lowdown on potatoes. I'm thinking you should make this some time and then comment on my blog about how good it was. I need some encouragement.

You know what, I forgot one of the best parts of potatoes! Potato chips! I like dipping them in ketchup because then they are like fries except not, because they are better for you. Did you know that you can get blue potatoe chips? Because you can. I bet they have them at Target. Target is the best store ever. As opposed to Walmart, which is the absolute worst store ever. In the history of bad stores, Walmart takes the cake. But anyway, I have to go blog about something else now. I hope you were eating potato chips while you read this, that would be cool.



And this post officially sucked. Too bad!

IDK my BFF Danielle

Lucky for me, I was involved in these escapades. In fact, I was the one suffering under them. I have a story about this person named Danielle, whom I work with. I don't like Danielle. In fact, only one person I work with does. That person is Joy. See, I used to like Joy, but then Danielle came along. They became friends seeing as they were the only two people working full time in the salad bar, and that was totally cool. They could be friends if they wanted to be, I don't care.

One thing about Joy is her peculiar way of talking when she is making a random comment and/or telling a story. If she is mad, she has a very vicious way of saying something. Lots and lots of emotion are included. Even if she isn't mad, but doesn't feel like making salads, the way she says "salads" has a lot of emotion. Maybe even a bit of grunty-ness. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I know other people that do the same thing. Anyway, the thing is, that Danielle has begun to talk like Joy. Its creepy. She also follows Joy around to do everything. She goes on break with her, takes stuff that they made (together) out with her, even goes to smoke with her. Oddly enough Danielle doesn't smoke. But hey, whatever. I must admit, though, that when she repeats everything she says in exactly the same way, its weird. Really, really weird. And annoying as well.

The most bothersome thing about Danielle is the fact that she doesn't do anything. Ever. In an eight hour shift she managed to package up some cantaloupe. Pre-cut cantaloupe. Hard work for sure. She also contrived to mix up a batch of Taco Haystack dip. This takes a normal person about, oh, half an hour max, generally about ten minutes. These two activities took up Danielle's whole shift. Boy, she must have been tired after that, because she took an hour break (she should have only taken a 30 minute break), went "smoking" with Joy, and then came back and talked to her girlfriend on the work phone for 10 or 20 minutes. Oh yeah, she has a girlfriend. Cute. It's not that I'm anti-lesbian, just anti-Danielle.

TO BE CONTINUED