Dearie Me

So I don't really have anything to blog about. It's getting to be a problem. So I'm just going to put up a youtube video for anyone that was hopeful for a post. At least I'll do this much for you.



This guy is such a ninja! And I use this term frequently, but rarely is it even bordering on the truth! I liked the way how he demonstrated his flying kick by attacking the door a little bit. It was cool. So yeah. Here is my post for the day.

I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear...

Back from my adventure into the bowels of a hospital. Let me tell you, it was rather exciting. To begin with, they told us that they didn't want us contaminating their O.R. (that's short for Operating Room, in case you're stupid). We each got a big white extra large thing. Uniforms, I guess you could call them. I deemed them hospital-style onesies. Pants and shirt were masterfully combined in a clothing item that would make you effortlessly fashionable looking. Or, rather, moronic. It was really okay though, we had to avoid getting our icky germs we picked up from school in the O.R. We really don't want someone dying or anything just so we could see the robot dealio. As if our onesies weren't enough, we were also given shoe covers. Unfortunately for me, I have rather large feet. I'm short, but I have big feet. It's really quite fun sometimes. Like when you are trying to put a shoe cover on that doesn't want to fit. I alone couldn't do it, so I appealed to Imma Lemmon for help. We, or rather she, got the first one on with limited difficulty. Cover numero dos did not wish to cooperate though. Very stubborn things, shoe covers. Our teacher came to help. Thus, we had a three person team to help one person put a shoe cover on. Slightly embarassing. But hey, give me a break, I take steroids for my feet. Really. I do.

Once we were all fashioned up we were allowed to enter the operating room. The inside was kind of like how I imagined, and yet kind of not. It was shiny and clean looking, as well as nicely chilled. Oddly enough, there was no blood splattered everywhere, no random body parts hanging like grotesque jewelry around piping, and no viewing windows. I managed to keep my cool despite these surprising discoveries. We all filed in and were greeted by a short surgical tech (I think that was the term anyway). She showed us the robot, the da Vinci S. The call it "she" or "her" for a few reasons. One of which is that it has an S in the name. Another is that they had a different da Vinci, and "he" was fat (as in 1200 pounds or so) and could be difficult to work with. Basically the typical man. She, on the other hand, was light (i.e. only half a ton) and had an HD probe complete with dual cameras in it, for a full 3D effect. Very nice. I must admit, she was quite beautiful. For a machine anyway. She was nice and shiny. Unfortunately for any excited men out there, she had four arms, no brain, and a bunch of very sharp, very dangerous attachments. Good luck with that.

After being shown some neat things that she could do, our time was tragically up and it was time to go. I gave her a big hug, for which I was sliced open in the gut, and left. This is of course not true. The real story is I walked out without a backward glance. So there. P.S. this was a very nice post wasn't it? Yes. It was. If you argue with me I will sic da Vinci S on you. We're dating.

P.P.S. The above picture looked like something they might do, its got the funny little arm extension that "she" had and and it looks like a picture the probe might have taken. The end.

Robots Do Surgery

Well... not really. But it sounds like something that would be exciting doesn't it? I think so, it would be all futuristic and they wouldn't even have to say things like "Nurse, suction" for one of two reasons. Either they communicate wirelessly and without sound, very ninja style. Or there is only one doctor with a whole bunch of arms that does everything it needs on its own. That would be neat, but I worry that if we had these octo-robots walking around in hospitals doing surgeries and whatnot they might suddenly decide they don't even need us, and kill us in surgery. How creepy would that be? You go in to get some wisdom teeth removed and something goes wrong and the robot is just like, "You know what, I think that one less human would be nice, this one may as well go." Not cool! What is the point of this rambling talk that vaguely discusses something real? I'm going to look at the surgery suite in a nearby hospital in, well, one minute ago.

I'm definitely imagining some fancy room, probably with blood splatters everywhere. Lots of glaring white lights. This room will also have little viewing windows like in "Grey's Anatomy,"
maybe some bored interns sitting in a window. Unfortunately for this thought St. Luke's isn't a teaching hospital, so the interns and viewing windows most likely will not be there. Darn. So my ride is here now, and I'll be back to fill you in on the "Robot Assisted Surgical Suite."

You Are A Goat

Yes. You. Are. I could have said something nice like "You are awesome, you are great." But I didn't, because that might be a lie. For all I know you may be an idiot. But in my opinion, being called a goat should be a compliment. For one reason, and I didn't even think of this when I started the post, my name is Cabrito. The minigoat. So that should really be all the reason you need, but that really isn't the point here.



I'm not quite sure if minigoats actually exist. I might go google search them. I think I'll do that now. Be right back!




Turns out they do exist! Of course, this could be a baby goat. But the caption said mini goat and its from a website called mini livestock. So it is a mini goat, not a baby goat. So there

There is another kind of goat that is much more interesting. The fainting goat. They are quite possibly the funniest animals ever. In the history of the world. And that, my goat friend, is a fact.
They don't actually faint, though. That would be sad. That would be cruel. They have this funny something or other mechanism inside them that when they get scared, something happens. all of their muscles stiffen up for a few seconds, generally causing them to fall over. If they are start running for a second before the mechanism goes off, they continue their forward motion with no way to stop themselves, and tumble around. The adults are used to things, like umbrellas, that have a tendency to pop up in a scary manner, and don't charge around like fools. They just stand there and wait for the stiffening up to occur, so that they don't even fall over. I don't like them for this reason. Why on earth would they decrease the enjoyment of their viewers? Don't they realize how funny they look when they fall over? I guess they don't. But one would think that they would understand the enjoyment gleaned by their antics, seeing as they watch other goats fall over on a daily basis. Maybe they don't take pleasure in the embarrassing acts of others. Well I do. And I like it when goats charge around and suddenly fall over. Its funny.

Please enjoy this video. It was very, very hard to find. Not.

Birthdays

Everyone loves birthdays, except for people that are turning fifty because then they get cards about how they are over-the-hill and pretty much almost dead. It isn't a cheerful time. Plus forty should really be the over-the-hill year, or maybe forty five. Most people don't make it to 100, and if they do they don't know who they are. All they know is they have a kind nurse lady that makes them eat and it makes them grumpy, but she's a nice nurse lady so its all forgiven. Eighty or ninety would really be a much more appropriate age.

Last summer I read a book called "Mutant Down Under," and it was about some indigenous tribe from Australia that gets by just fine by living in the desert. You know, its really hot there. And really try. I would be proud of them if I were you. P.S. its called "Mutant Down Under" because they call the "normal" people mutants. People that live in the city are mutants. Understand? Good.

So I read thsi book. Thats cool. What does it have to do with birthdays? Well these people, who I will start referring to as the Jorge (hor-hay) tribe, have an interesting philosophy about birthdays. They think, and I agree partially, that mutant-style birthdays are stupid. Why celebrate something that happens every single year and only means that you are 365 days older? What's so important about that? Nothing. It isn't important, unless you turned 16 or 21, no birthdays are important other than your first. So why celebrate them? Who knows. The Jorge tribe believes that birthdays are when you change as a person in a positive way, when your mind has been reborn. They have a major celebration that includes the eating of uncooked grubs. Yummmmmmmmy. I think that this is the way we should all celebrate life. Of course, then all the kids in the world who remember having mutant birthdays would get whiney and it would be a problem. Especially since 84.259% of parents have very minimal control of their beastly little children. So yeah, it would create problems, but it would also make life a lot more meaningful. So lets do it.

Idiots

Wow. There are a lot of incredibly unintelligent people in this world. Way, way too many. I think that people with such horribly defective brains should go to a defective brain school and never be seen again. It would be borderline perfect. All the idiots locked up together, they might even beat some brains each other! Doubt it. Maybe they will just beat the brains out of each other, and then we wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. People like… Here I'll give an example name: Tucky McRatherjens.

One day recently, Tucky passed me while I was driving on a nearby road. The speed limit is 45 when you go over a certain bridge, and everyone speeds. To be safe I speed along with them, but usually no more than 50 miles per hour. I was going 50, and little stupid Tucky passed me. I hate being passed, I really do. In fact, there are few things I hate more than being passed. One of them is being pulled out in front of, but that is a story for another time. The point is, Tucky McRatherjens past me, and I was angry.

See, when you are already speeding, and someone passes you, it is bordering on ridiculous. Especially when the person that passed you just got his license. It makes you want to watch him get pulled over just so you can laugh at him. I might even pull over too just so I can point and cackle. Unfortunately, this time he was not pulled over. I bet he was going at least 65. And he’s obviously an idiot because he was laughing and talking to his girlfriend. His girlfriend is not a looker, by the way. Surprise, surprise. I was beginning to think there was no hope in the world.

Then one day this week, Mr. Idiot Tucky was doing donuts in the school parking lot. There’s a red flag shooting up somewhere that has “Idiot!” written all over it. Around and around he went, thinking he was really, really cool. I didn’t think he was cool, but he did. Then he must have lost control or gotten dizzy or something, and he hit a car. The car he hit was shoved into another car. Oops. Realizing the gravity of this mistake, Tucky drove off to avoid being caught. Too bad there were a bunch of people watching. Cops were called and people were notified, and now Tucky McRatherjens is in big trouble. Darn! Hope his parents send him to boarding school in Switzerland and he dies a lonely death. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?

K, this post was very random, but I thought that people should be aware of the idiots that live around them, and keep an eye out.


*The facts in this story are true, but names and some other details have been changed to protect the identity of an idiot.

You know what? I could be making money off of you right now.

Okay, I'm sure that title really got your interest raised. So I'll give you the information you need to know to realize that I am quite the fantastic person, and you should maybe start worshipping goats. Just kidding. Don't do that, it would be weird.

This will be a short post, I just wanted to let you know that I could make money for writing my blog or something. I was really tired last night when I saw the little google thing so I'm sorry if I'm just making this up, but I think that its true. Some little google advertising thing told me that if I allow them to put advertisements on my blog, I can get paid. No doubt its like 3 cents per click from my page. So I bet I could make about a dollar a year, seeing as nobody even reads my blog practically. Whatever, its no big deal. I just though you should know that I am not going to exploit my meager readers and force them to view nasty ads just so I could make a few cents every week or so. I respect you more than that, goodness gracious!

Cabrito, signing off.

C++!!

Guess what! I'm writing a post with almost the same title as one of the blogs I'm following! Yay!

WOW. I'm bored and I have a stomach ache, so there.

Okay so C++ is this nifty little program that smart people can use to do nifty little things and make other nifty little programs. Sounds simple when put in such childish terms, no? Well guess what. IT ISN'T!

I got this free version because I want to get the real version for free and its a really long story that absolutely nobody on this planet cares to hear. The important part is I have a free version of an uber complicated program that is supposed to be good at interfacing with your CPU or something. Wonderful. Now what does that mean?

Apparently you can make all sorts of little applications and games and whatnot and create lifelong memories with your loved ones. That is what Something-or-other Russel said. She works at Microsoft and she basically is quite attractive. But I think her hair might be dyed. Black too. Either that or she has some really black natural hair. Whatever, it isn't important. So this Russel gal, lets name her Jimmy for the sake of simplicity, talks about how wonderful and simple C++ is, and how her introductory video is "going to be a real treat." She also mentioned that to anybody knowing anything at all about programming, this video would likely teach them nothing. I took this to mean that it would teach me something. I was wrong.

Jimmy goes on to say some more random non important words and then we begin. She shows us how to find the free downloader online and install it. I was thinking "Wonderful, I'll be a masterful programmer after this little venture is done." Wrong! Fifteen minutes into the video, once it is installed and she starts telling you about some of the new features and whatnot, she drops the bomb. "This video is not to teach you about the language of C++ or it's syntax, it is expected that you are competent in that area before watching." What?!? Then what exactly is the point of this video? Who knows! I did learn how to make the cmd box pop up saying Hello World! and that it is common for programmers to do that when using a new language. It was a little bit helpful in teaching, but really I just copied down everything Jimmy wrote and pretended it was my very own. Sad, really.

Sorry if this post seemed a bit on the whiney side, I was really quite thrilled to find a video designed to teach me, with a good looking teacher and all, only to discover that it would only teach me how to pirate somebody elses code for their program. How neat!

Old People Hate Everything and Everyone Younger Than Them

How true is this? Everyone has a crazy old neighbor lady with a cane that takes great joy in running over their childhood toys. Everyone. Even if you don't have any neighbors because you live in an isolated region of the Tibetan Plateau, you will be haunted by a widowed old woman. I think it is the curse of children. Why does this matter? Because old ladies, being older than the average Giant Redwood, are older than everyone around them. Thus, they have had years to build up disgust towards the younger generations. Hey now, that's not fair. Isn't it though? How many times have you heard something to the effect of "Kids aren't what they used to be," "When I was a kid, I walked forty two thousand miles to school uphill both ways in eighteen feet of snow," or "Those obnoxious children, what are they thinking? I most certainly would never have done that as a child." Everyone hears it, and as you will find, everyone says it as well. I say it, so I guess I must be getting old. These sentiments are refracted throughout all parts of society.

Lets take music for an example. People always look back towards old classics and take refuge in their wholesomeness. Who looks to Britney Spears as a classic? Or Miley Cyrus? You don't see fifty year old women rocking out to "7 Things (I hate about you)" as they drive around do you? Of course you don't, that would be silly. If something becomes popular after your time, you think it is preposterous and should not be allowed.

Same goes with behavior. As an eighth grader, it was perfectly okay to see other eighth graders kissing in the hallway. As a much older and more educated person, I can now see that really, anything below my grade, 11th, is much too young to be engaging in such inappropriate activities. Only somebody with my intelligence and maturity could cope with such things. As we grow up we all modify our views of the world to encompass our age. Things below us are bad, scandalous, and should be treated as such. It's no wonder old ladies seem to hate everything around them and take such pleasure it yelling at small boys and girls as they turn one blade of grass in their perfectly angular yards.

Laundry

I have done some thinking recently. I am now of the opinion that you can gain some deep insights into a persons soul by the way they fold laundry. Well, maybe not deep soulful ones, but I think you can glean something from looking at their freshly pressed clothes. I was looking at the difference between the way I fold my clothes as compared to my mother. My mom grew up on a farm, so she's used to work and has a good work ethic. And so on. She also tends not to be in a huge hurry unless she is about to be late for something. I, on the other hand, am always in a hurry to get everywhere except for the place that I work. I try to go slowly there. Unless I'm running late, then I zoom along as fast as humanly possible while still abiding by all of the traffic laws.

Our two different ways of living are self evident in our clothes-folding. Maybe thats the wrong time to use the phrase "self evident," but if you think I care you are sorely mistaken. My clothes, as if in tribute to my way of living, tend to look as if they were folded in two seconds flat. In fact, they probably were. They get wrinkles in them that I don't care about or notice until I put it on, and by then all that is left to do is some quick hand pressing and miracle hoping. Or I just throw on a sweatshirt and call it good.

My mom, on the other hand, folds clothes as if she plans to wear them. Silly mom, everyone knows you only wear clothes once. Or maybe not. Her clothes could be on display in a store window as a classic example of how to keep clothes looking nice. Well too bad, I'm always in a hurry. I couldn't possibly take the extra few seconds to make it look nice, now could I? Well I could but I doubt I could make mine look very nice. Maybe it is a talent you are born with. I think I'll tell her that next time she tries to get me to fold clothes. "Hey mom, why don't you do it, you're a natural clothes folder." I'm sure she would be extremely flattered.

What is my purpose in life?

I was recently asked by one of my avid readers to write a post about why I, one of the most important people on the planet, writes this blog. Well, dear reader, I began this as an assignment. Simple as that. "Hey," I hear you saying," Thats not a very good purpose, thats just why you started not why you write those amazing posts." Well I just thought I'd tell you, no reason to get so snippy with me.

The reason I write about some of the most random topics is pretty simple. Writing about something like music, or television would be very easy. I could listen to the music I always listen to and pick out three songs a week to write about. But how boring would that be? Nobody would want to read it, and it would be a waste of my time. Time is money, money is time, wasting either is bad. So what I do is write about anything I can think of. I think this shows itself to be pretty apparent. Wait, I hear someone piping up in the back. You think thats an even bigger waste of time, do you, you little short fat person? Well here's what I think. I think that my blog is funny. I mean, I'm practically talking to myself. If I someone talking to themselves on the street I might stop and listen, it would be funny, wouldn't it? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I write about any old topic just to entertain. I know of at least one person that reads my blog regularly and for fun, and that is enough for me. If my writing can entertain, if me mumbling through life about any old thing can be funny, I might as well keep it up. And so I will, at least until the end of the year. After that, no guarantees can be made. After all, I am one of the most important people in the world and my time is like gold. Thanks for reading, you know who I'm talking to when I mention the one reader. You're a trooper!

Hey guess what, I've done some more milk research.

Okay so this was just funny and my last post was getting a bit long, so I decided to just creat a whole new one and continue on.

• "There is a milk tax, do you know what they do with it?" I was expecting something horrible or tragic. Like murdering small children in africa or something. Well... it is much less dramatic than our milk-hating friend would let us think. They pay important people to advertise milk! OH MY GOD! I know, my heart almost exploded with the absolute unfairness of it. How dare a business (I use the term loosely) use their tax revenue on advertising. Its despicable. Its horrible. I can hardly hold my disgust inside. NOT. This guy is seriously screwed up. What does he care if people use their 5 million or so a year to pay for advertising and to paint the upper lip of important people white. It gets worse. He goes on to whine that they used a black person in their advertising. Racist much? He tries to cover up is blunder by saying that ninety percent of african americans are lactose intolerant. I've never met one. I do realise that the problem is abnormally high in pretty much all peoples that aren't of European decent, but seriously, why mention the black guy on the poster. And its 80% anyway, not 95. That 15% percent of people can make quite a large difference. Idiot.

Okay next I will display a short list. This list comes from the notmilk.com homepage. It is a list of things that so-called scientists have shown to be caused by milk. Lets take a look and see if we really believe him.

• Arthritis
• Acid Blood (Wouldn't we be dying??!?!? The human body needs a very specific blood acidity to keep working, and despite my large dairy product intake I seem to still be breathing)
• Acne
• Addiction (What??? Addiction? This guy is insane.)
• Alzheimers
• Anemia
• Attention Deficit
• Bedwetting
• Bone Disease
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Breast cancer
• Colic
• Common Cold (I know and you know that this is caused by a virus. Robert Cohen thinks that milk proteins cause it. Go figure.)
• Congestion
• Crohn's Disease
• Diabetes
• Death
• Depression
• Ear Infections
• Early Maturity

The list goes on and on. And on. And on. Feel free to take a look at notmilk.com, its their entire homepage. They even have links with fun suggestions like "give your carolers soymilk" or (and this one pertains to a researcher) "the dairy man is a whore/liar." The creators of notmilk seem a little miffed that somebody would go so far as to present real research to the public and let it get written in the paper. Robert Cohen really needs a life.

And so do I, which is why that is where I'm leaving the milk topic. Hopefully for a long time, but maybe if I get really really bored I'll bring it back up again. It seems to get my blood and anger flowing as if my mom had died from a (milk related, I'm sure) car accident. Maybe drinking milk makes you driving incapable.

Robert Cohen is a Hoax, continued.

Okay I'm back, stop worrying. Do you think we should just start up where we left off at the end of the last post? May as well. Lets get down to business.

• "They can smell it on our skin." Smell what, I hear you asking? Rotten milk. Apparently the Japanese call us the butter people because they can smell "rotten, putrefying" milk. Seems a bit unlikely but hey, maybe the people that visit Japan like bathing in milk. Who am I to refute this claim, I've never been there? Its the next part that gets my hackles a-goin'. He states that there are two amino acids responsible for this. Just a little background for those who have forgoteen (I'm sure none of you would have, but its just a kindness sort of thing). There are 20 amino acids that exist, and their purpose in life is to be bonded together to make polypeptides, generally in the form of proteins or hormones. With just that limited knowledge you may actually believe what Mr. Cohen says. Well don't, theres more info to come. Every single protein starts out with methionine. I repeat EVERY protein starts out with a methionine. It is the start codon. The beginning point. Without it, there would be no proteins (by the way he spells it wrong if you ever look around. He's dumb, I know). Turns out cysteine actually exists, though I hadn't heard of it (hold in the shock people, I'm not all knowing). Robert says that we smell like rotten eggs because of the sulfur in these. First of all, the rotten egg smell is not pure sulfur atoms floating around, its sulfuric compounds; second of all, both molecules have just one atom of sulfur in them, and they don't just let them go. They stay in your cells doing helpful things like keeping us alive. They don't have time to be floating around making sulfurous compounds and being sniffed by the Japanese. These molecules are busy little buggers I tell you. No time to bandy with foreigners.

The Crazy Milkman Continued

Okay so pretty much the entire previous post was a quote from this guy, named Robert Cohen. It quite obviously demonstrates his hatred for milk and butter et cetera. Anyone with even a bit of biology smarts can see through some of the things he is saying. In my opinion, one of the greatest loves he ever had was stolen by a cowboy, and now he's trying to get revenge. I mean seriously, he's saying all this stuff that just makes no sense at all and is backed up by one person only. Himself.

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/lactoseintolerance/#risk

Shall I list some of these things for you? I think I shall!

• "Milk causes cancer, and milk is the only food proven to help breast cancer grow." Really now? Do we believe this? I don't, I suppose it could have been "proven" by his research. He is probably the only person whose research proves thus, I think that the FDA or the ADA or CFY or some other administration would have noticed something as major as this and said something by now? What's his claim for the reason we haven't heard anything? Lobbyists. Yeah. Apparently there are milk lobbyists that are messing with the FDA. Sounds real plausible. Real. Real. Plausible.
• "Milk is chock full of horrible viruses and bacteria" Okay, he's saying there are some super bad types of tuberculosis bacteria in milk. And "leukemia causing" bacteria. I think that more people would actually have leukemia if this were true. And people would be getting tuberculosis from milk would they not? I tell you, this is just the beginning.
• "Milk is liquid meat" My first red flag is that meat is, well, red. Milk is white. Doesn't look like blended meat to me. I know, I know, I'm being too literal. Get over it. Milk is a body fluid designed to provide fat, protein, and nutrients to young cows. Muscle (meat) is found in most multi cellular organisms and is for moving. They don't have the same purpose, and obviously will not have the same ingredients. Though milk does have a decent amount of protein, it only has one eighth of the protein that is in meat. I'm sensing the fishiness levels rising. Its definitely starting to smell vaguely like the ocean around here.
• "Milk causes puberty to begin earlier" Let me get my immaturity out real quick. If puberty is beginning oh so early here ( he states it starts earliest in the united states) why do we still have high school seniors sounding like fifth graders? You tell me, must be some rare form of maturity caused by a gene mutation stemming from drinking milk. Sounds like something this Cohen guy would say.

Okay so this post is getting a bit lengthy and I still have a lot to say, so I'm going to sign off and I'll talk to you again sometime in the near future, if you're really lucky maybe even tonight! (As if anybody is actually waiting at the edge of their seats to read this).

The Crazy Milkman

"Three to four quarts. Can you imagine? It's evenly dispersed throughout all of your internal organs so that your kidneys are a sponge for mucus. I have an autopsy of a very famous American athlete. Go back to Flo-Jo when she won her gold medal in the Olympics, and she died after she did a milk mustache ad, after she ate pizza -- fifteen hours after she had her last meal, she died and in her stomach were 250 cubic centimeters of undigested mozzarella cheese, 15 hours after she ate it, and the body was in such distress because it couldn't break that down that her body produced a tremendous amount of histamines, which made a tremendous amount of mucus. She had one drug in her body, Benadryl, which is an antihistamine -- she knew she was congested.
And the coroner slicing through her kidney described the thick, viscous phlegm that came out of the kidney, the entire lungs, the trachea and the tracheal-bronchial tree were acutely, in the coroner's words, were acutely congested from mucus. She even had finger marks on her throat, and that pizza she ate, she ate her last meal at 3 o'clock in the afternoon and died at 6 a.m. the next day -- 15 hours later, that mozzarella was still not digested, and the congestion from that… that's why I say seven days no dairy, have pizza for dinner, ice cream for dessert, the next morning, you're going to wake up so congested, so mucusy, it's depressing what it does to you. You diminish your lung capacity, sexual drive, it messes you up in the toilet -- it's nice to be dairy-free for that week, because once you see both extremes, I can't imagine how anybody would go back to using dairy products.
You can smell it coming out of them. And it really is something….you are what you eat. I find, if you were to ask me the key to health, the key to health versus disease, is animal protein is very different from plant protein. And for years, vegetarians would argue that it's the same protein -- you get everything the same! It's not the same protein. Animal protein has a lot more of two amino acids - one is methianine, and the other is cysteine, and those two amino acids have as their central atom sulfur. Now, imagine the smell of rotten eggs infusing into every cell of your body. The sulfur rotten egg smell is what we smell. It's what vegans or vegetarians smell on meat-eaters. And the more chicken you eat, the more you're going to stink. And the more you're going to stink and your own body fluids are going to stink. That TV show Sex and the City had a very special episode regarding that, but we may not go into that in this interview.
But vegans, people who are eating a plant-based diet, are eating very clean fuel for their bodies. And of course, milk is liquid meat. Milk and dairy products are the worst form of these polluting substances. Not only with the tremendous dioxin level, but with the tremendous amount of sulfur. You don't want that rotten egg smell -- that's what accelerates heart disease, and that's what accelerates bone loss. So that's why we find the people living in nations where they eat the most dairy products are the ones with the highest rates of osteoporosis and heart disease. That's the reason."


This above quote was provided so that you would have some idea of what I was talking about without leaving the site. Please do not hurt me. I am not passing this off as my own. Plus, I'm obviously way way smarter than this, so thinking this is mine is really an insult anyway.




http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/lactoseintolerance/#risk

Workful Escapades

Now, boys and girls, behaving like 6 year old children while at work is strictly unadvised, but due to a lack of postular excitement, I'm going to write about experiences I have had on the job. More accurately, things that I have heard about while on the job. From my very, very mature and esteemed colleagues. I have great respect for them, and I'm completely sure that you will, too.

Story Number One: Lids are Really Quite Fun

So you get bored on the job. You've done all of the production necessary, the juice bar is full, the salad bar is full, and you sure as heck don't want to sack. What's a person to do? Go skating. Duh. How on earth do you go skating when its almost 60 degrees inside your room? Well many people may be shot down by this problem and find something to work on. Not "K" and "S". Being the resourceful people they are, and not wanting to give up, they think of a very good plan. They take the largest party tray lids they can find, I believe that they are 26" but really I don't know and it doesn't matter. They had big lids, thats all you need to know. They then took the sprayer that we use to wash dishes and liberally doused the floor with hot water. We've got a rubberish floor so no worries, plus it probably needed a good cleaning anyway. Once the slipperification was complete the skating rink was ready for action. The skating could commence! I'm sure it was a grand old time, but I was unfortunately not there so I will never know for sure. Even if I was I probably would have hidden in the cooler and watched them, I definitely wouldn't want to get caught doing that. They have been caught doing many such mature things, which I will continue to write about in future posts.

Don't we all wish that we could work at such a fun and exciting place? Well we can't. So get over it and stop whining to me. I don't care about your problems! Or maybe I do. You should give me comments about your problems and I can respond! It'll be like Dear Abby, but instead it could be Dearest Cabrito! Doesn't that sound like fun? I sure think so. Yes it does.