Contacts

Everyone with vision that is more poor than is lovable knows how wonderful glasses are. Some people have really crappy vision i.e. my neighbour, whereas some people just leave a little to be desired i.e. me.

The most amazing things ever must be contacts. They are quite the intriguing little things. When they are floating around in a bunch of solution (the solution itself is really quite miraculous) you can hardly see them. You scoop them out of their holding tank and its very weird because you usually can barely feel them. Its like they aren't even there. You go through them at a fairly nice clip, one set every two weeks. I just got rid of mine last night and I was wondering what would happen if i just let them sit out for a while and let the furnace suck the life out of them. Turns out these things should be used in the army. Let them dry out for a bit (in the Iraqi desert, for example) and they harden quite nicely. They turn into little curled up (yes, they curl up, as if they really did have the life sucked out of them) pieces of plastic. Like shrapnel. Shove one of those little suckers into a gun and bam! You could definitely teach somebody a lesson.

So that solution stuff I mentioned. Its fantastic. You can fill up a contact with it and shove it on your eye to prevent any sort of *mild* discomfort that might occur with a dry (potentially plasticky) contact. If you've got it filled a little bit too much then the contact makes a little bubble that you just blink away in the form of a tear. It would be pretty funny sometime to pretend a contact hurt you so bad that you cried and then show someone. It sometimes looks very dramatic and real because your eye is red anyway.

This post sucked, I am sorry if you read it.

(The following written 12/15/2008) So, I was by the sink cleaning out my war wounds from the last time I tried to shoot a contact at the enemy (in other words I was cleaning out my sockets from my wisdom teeth removal), and I decided to try to resurrect the contact. I filled up a little tablespoon measuring device with some water and set the contact off on its maiden sailing expedition. Enthralled onlookers shouted Bon Voyage from the harbor railings as they watched the brave little ship battle waves twice the size of mount everest. Shhh its a story you fool, stop arguing with me. Hem Hem. So what really happened was I set it in there and waited for the magic to happen. Nothing happened, what a drag. I promptly left the kitchen and did something worthwhile I'm sure. I returned one hour later to find my contact happily floating around, as pliable as the day it was born. What a heart-warming story of true love and everlasting peace, huh. Just thought you should know in case of contact emergency, though I'm not sure if you would want to soak it in water (apparently its bad) or put it in your eye, even if you had soaked it in saline.