Spongy Brain Matter

Delicious sounding right? No, probably not. I didn't think it sounded so scrumptious myself. So the question is, why do people eat something like that? Don't even think about asking me because I will be forced to make up some obnoxious lie. So just don't do it.

I bet that you are jusy dying to find out what spongy brain matter people would be eating and why I'm writing about it, right? Well when I was at the Drake Biology lab there was a dissection lab going on. In the room on the table sat a brain in a jar. It looked really disgusting but this student really wanted to eat it. When the teacher was talking to us he took it out and got a spoon and set to work. No, I am not even kidding.

I have decided to let you in on another little secret. I have lied to you, and when I say lie I'm talking about a big whopper of a lie. An earth-shattering lie, so I must apologize. Are you ready to learn what of my wonderful blog has been deceptive? It was the story I just told you. I know! You actually believed that somebody wanted to eat some strange preserved brain. Well, they didn't. I just thought that it would make a fantastic introduction to a much less disturbing topic.

I realize that by now you are probably just dying to know what on earth purpose I had for spending the time to write the phenomenal piece of prose. Well my purpose was simple, I really just wanted to complain about Red Delicious ™ Apples. (Ooh did you like that little tm raised up there, pretty fancy was it not?)

These above said apples are one of the worst name abominations. Worse even than the… something that doesn’t come right to my head at the moment. I’ll come back and have this replaced with some scintillating comparisons in no time, but my written abuse is not the real point here people. Red Delicious™ Apples basically fail the delicious test. In case you were still stuck at the end of your seat I’ll bring up the brain matter thing again here, no worries. But back to the apples. So first of all, they have nice looking skins, all red and shiny and beautiful, but that is where the good things end. They have peels thick enough to withstand an atomic bomb dropping directly on them. Their flavor is akin to that of diluted thrice frozen and thawed apple juice (I’m just postulating that juice after that would not taste so hot). The worst part, though, is their flesh. Wow that sounded a little bit cannibalistic. No worries though, its apple flesh we’re talking about here, not human. So the white goodness that we expect to find when we have an apple is not to be described as goodness. It is so strange and unnatural that I have decided to name it spongy brain flesh. Because the texture makes me think of the descriptions I have heard in books about brains.

So the moral of the story is, stop eating Red Delicious™ Apples and start eating the good stuff, Honeycrisp™.

Note: I am very proud of my ™ signs placed sporadically in this and you should probably be feeling overwhelming jealousy right now.