Carrots

Carrots are orange. I just thought I would let you all know that, and to let you all know that I know that, before I continue. The unintelligence of some people really should not be underestimated, so I wanted to have us all start out on the same page before continuing.

So, what have we established so far? That carrots are orange? Yes, thank you Cabrito for this wonderful insight. That is the kind of telepathy I’m getting back. Calm down, calm down, I’m not insulting your intelligence, merely stating the obvious so that I can continue and confuse you. Yeah, prepare for confusion over carrots. Actually, it isn’t that confusing so I’ll just stop rambling and get on with today’s lesson.

At my aunt’s house this past weekend we had a family get together. And, as all of you with families that you would want to get together with, families have food when they meet up. I love food, it will probably end up being the topic of several posts up-and-coming. I seriously love it. With a fiery passion. The point is that I’m off topic again. So my aunt decided to have a soup fest. She made three kinds of soup: spicy taco, chicken noodle (completely homemade by the way, broth, noodles, and everything. I feel the jealousy), and beer cheese. They were all good, even though by the time I was on my third bowl, and ready to try the taco soup, it was almost gone. The one minor hitch was that the beer cheese soup was not its normal color. I’m assuming the normal color is yellow, but it was more of a purple-brown sort of thing. Not the most appetizing of colors when you think of cheddar cheese. Personally, and you can call me crazy, when I think of cheese I think of yellow or orange.

This is where my delightfully rambling introduction comes in. The carrots my aunt had used were organic and… purple. Yeah. I said it. The carrots were purple. Oh man, just stopped you from feeling like you ruled the world didn’t I? Burst your bubble a bit huh? I’m sure you will get over it. You were sitting in your comfy little chair feeling all smart and well educated about common garden vegetables, and then I drop the purple carrot bomb. Now that I think of it a purple carrot bomb would create quite the mess wherever it was dropped…. I’ll have to ponder that one for another time. But for now, I will leave you with that sad, brought down feeling of knowing that you were wrong. And that once again you were bested by the unnamed mini goat (that’s what cabrito means smart one)that’s still in senior high.

Note: if you cannot seem to remember the last time I told you that you had been bested, refer to the post about marching band. It will probably bring back suppressed memories of sandy beaches.

Homelessness

Okay so being homeless pretty much sucks, we can all agree right? So why don’t people do anything about it? Your guess is as good as mine.

Thank goodness my school is out there to help. Last Thursday night we had 83 people come back to the school, willingly, mind you, and spend the night. Outside. In the darn cold weather. Sounds pretty BA doesn’t it? We slept in some pretty amazing card board boxes too, on the freezing cold cement. My box had some length disabilities. It was nice and big around so that even if I gained a few hundred pounds I would fit comfortably. The problem arose in the horizontal distance department. It barely went up higher than my waist. That’s a slight problem when you’re trying to keep warm; I believe that this sentiment is shared by most people. So I came up with a delightfully intelligent solution. I took a blanket and put about one half on top of the box and then stretched the other half around and under my pillow, creating a sort of lean-to.

I woke up around two in the morning to find, to my great consternation, that the lid covering up the end of my box had blown over and the wind was creating havoc with my body temperature. I could barely tell this by peeking through the crack of the blanket smothering my head. And when I say smothering, I mean it. I tried to remove its silky softness but my hands were covered with gloves and mittens and weren’t functioning their best. I seriously thought, in my just-awoken stupor, that I was going to be trapped in my blanket until I could get someone to rescue me.

I eventually managed to excavate my face and look around me to see what was going on and discovered that my friend, who’s name shall go undisclosed for fear of violating personal rights, was no longer there. Her box was there alright, but her sleeping bag and other personal accessories were MIA. I promptly stole her box and had a major house moving/renovating project. It lasted a total of, oh, about two minutes. I then covered the front end of my much larger box with my blanket and fell asleep until almost six.

At that point I was rudely awakened by another, also unnamed, friend who notified me that it was unfortunately time to get up and leave. The even more rude part of this awakening is that it was indeed snowing/ raining. Not so much fun. The temperature had probably dropped to at least -50 by this point and I was definitely ready for some heat.

At this point you may be wondering if i am making all of this up, which is entirely possible after the brain/apple story. So here is another account of this exciting adventure.

This makes me wonder how homeless people manage to live like that. How can they get food and still stay warm? I know that if I was wandering around in some city scrounging for food or money that I would freeze to death. The good thing is that my school’s event raised over 1400 dollars in donations. This money will go to homeless people in our area, of which there are relatively few, and provide food and other items for them. It definitely makes me feel like a much better person for suffering through that. And now I’m raising awareness just by complaining! What a bargain!

Spongy Brain Matter

Delicious sounding right? No, probably not. I didn't think it sounded so scrumptious myself. So the question is, why do people eat something like that? Don't even think about asking me because I will be forced to make up some obnoxious lie. So just don't do it.

I bet that you are jusy dying to find out what spongy brain matter people would be eating and why I'm writing about it, right? Well when I was at the Drake Biology lab there was a dissection lab going on. In the room on the table sat a brain in a jar. It looked really disgusting but this student really wanted to eat it. When the teacher was talking to us he took it out and got a spoon and set to work. No, I am not even kidding.

I have decided to let you in on another little secret. I have lied to you, and when I say lie I'm talking about a big whopper of a lie. An earth-shattering lie, so I must apologize. Are you ready to learn what of my wonderful blog has been deceptive? It was the story I just told you. I know! You actually believed that somebody wanted to eat some strange preserved brain. Well, they didn't. I just thought that it would make a fantastic introduction to a much less disturbing topic.

I realize that by now you are probably just dying to know what on earth purpose I had for spending the time to write the phenomenal piece of prose. Well my purpose was simple, I really just wanted to complain about Red Delicious ™ Apples. (Ooh did you like that little tm raised up there, pretty fancy was it not?)

These above said apples are one of the worst name abominations. Worse even than the… something that doesn’t come right to my head at the moment. I’ll come back and have this replaced with some scintillating comparisons in no time, but my written abuse is not the real point here people. Red Delicious™ Apples basically fail the delicious test. In case you were still stuck at the end of your seat I’ll bring up the brain matter thing again here, no worries. But back to the apples. So first of all, they have nice looking skins, all red and shiny and beautiful, but that is where the good things end. They have peels thick enough to withstand an atomic bomb dropping directly on them. Their flavor is akin to that of diluted thrice frozen and thawed apple juice (I’m just postulating that juice after that would not taste so hot). The worst part, though, is their flesh. Wow that sounded a little bit cannibalistic. No worries though, its apple flesh we’re talking about here, not human. So the white goodness that we expect to find when we have an apple is not to be described as goodness. It is so strange and unnatural that I have decided to name it spongy brain flesh. Because the texture makes me think of the descriptions I have heard in books about brains.

So the moral of the story is, stop eating Red Delicious™ Apples and start eating the good stuff, Honeycrisp™.

Note: I am very proud of my ™ signs placed sporadically in this and you should probably be feeling overwhelming jealousy right now.